How To Fall In Love With a Thai Bar Girl
Posted: Tuesday, July 11, 2006
by Marc Holt
http://holtww.com
So you have come to Thailand, visited a bunch of bars, and found the girl of your dreams in one of them. She bangs like a dunny (dunny -- Australian slang for 'toilet') door in a hurricane, does everything you ever wished a girl would do for you, and you are "in love".
Good for you.
Now let's have a small dose of reality here before you go paying the Sin Sot (dowry), getting married and supporting her and her family for ever more (or until your money runs out...whichever comes first).
Right. Have you got the picture? Because everything else you need to know follows on from that mantra.
Like any working girl in any job, she views her work dispassionately. It is something she does to make money. It makes no difference to her how many men she has to sleep with to make the money, just as a secretary doesn't count the number of documents she types up in a day. Or just as the girl who serves up Big Macs doesn't count how many she doles out in a day. Having sex with men is just a job for bar girls.
She may enjoy her work, although if you can speak Thai and you get to know some of the bar girls most will tell you that they hate the job but they do it because it's the best way they know how to make good money. Many of them make more money than that demure secretary you see walking down the street.
Lots of bar girls even believe that they may meet a farung and really fall in love, although this is a very remote possibility if the girl has been on the game for more than a few months. As we say in LOS (Land of Smile), "You can take the girl out of the bar, but you can't take the bar out of the girl." Just remember that "falling in love" to a Thai doesn't mean the same as it does to us in the West. To us, falling in love is the whole romantic thing candles, moonlight dancing and walks on the beach, meeting Mom and Pop, getting engaged, and so on.
So where does that leave you, the guy who has found his dream woman and fallen in love with a bar girl in true Western romantic fashion?
Before you answer that question, repeat the mantra above ten more times again.
She's told you she loves you? She may well do...in her own bar girl fashion. To a Thai girl, especially a bar girl, falling in love means that she has found someone who will support her. This is true of every Thai girl, whether she works in a bar or not. Of course, if you manage to find a decent (not a bar) girl she may also genuinely love you. But it is probably going to be tempered by how well you can support her.
So your sweet little bar girl has told you that you are the only man for her now and that she no longer sleeps with other men who come into the bar....especially if you pay her a reasonable amount of money each month to keep her 'faithful'.
HAW! HAW! HAW!
Time for another reality check: Repeat the mantra again.
To your beautiful, exotic new love you are a walking ATM. Which is why you often hear that word in conversations between two or more bar girls. They ain't talking about the machine my friend!
If you are giving her money and you are not actually here in LOS, you might as well go out and buy a yacht instead. They say a yacht is a hole in the ocean you throw money into. A bar girl is merely a hole you throw money into.
Do I sound too cynical here? Perhaps, but remember that I have been here a long time more than 25 years, so I think I can speak with some authority.
I am not trying to talk you out of falling in love with your beautiful bar girlfriend. In fact, if you are smart you can have your cake (or whatever part of her it is you like) and eat it too.
So how do you fall in love with a bargirl and ensure you don't end up taking a high dive from the nearest high-rise condo and becoming a member of The Pattaya Flying Club?
Repeat the mantra again.
As long as you remember that she is working in a bar to make money, and that you are one of her revenue streams, you will be well on the way to staying sane. Don't try to 'save her from a life of degradation'. She doesn't feel her lifestyle is degrading, just as that secretary in an office doesn't feel her job is degrading. It's a job for your sweet little bar girl. That's it.
So pay her bar fine, take her back to your hotel, have all the fun you like, tell her how much you love her if you like. She may even tell you the same. Repeat the mantra.
Blot out the thought that when she says 'Goodbye' she will return to the bar, call you up to tell you how much she misses you, and then promptly proposition another punter to earn her 'salary'. Just enjoy the moment. Show her a little consideration, lots of tender loving, give her an oil massage, have more fun than a human being is allowed. She is a human being and if you treat her right she will make you happy too. But don't talk about her job. That will only bring you both down.
If you are tempted to take the relationship further and you actually want to marry her, ask yourself this Would you marry this girl if you had met her in a strip club back in your hometown? Would you take her home to meet your family? Will you be able to marry her and not think about all the men who were there before you?
Don't try to tell me that she is different. She isn't. She's just another bar girl...but one you happen to like a lot. Don't let your infatuation put blinkers on your eyes.
Still interested in marrying her? Poor you.
When things go wrong, remember this advice. You pay a bar girl to make her go away. You can expect things to go wrong if you fail to pay her on time, or if you fail to give her enough money when she asks you for it, or if you complain about paying her each month after she moves in with you. All you have to do is pay her enough money to make the problem go away. How much you end up paying really depends on what sort of arrangement you can come to with her. But remember that bargaining the price is a Thai way of life. You should never pay the first price asked for. You'll get no respect from her if you let her dictate the terms. Thais are brought up expecting to be told how to live their lives by those in a position of power and/or authority. As the one with the money you have the power and the authority. Make it clear you to her that you are the one in control and you will decide a price that both of you will be happy with. She will respect you even if you are breaking up. Walk away with your head held high and your self-esteem in place.
If you can't be with her all the time, never, ever, agree to send her money while you are living out of the country so that she doesn't have to work in the bar. Go and buy a yacht instead. It will be cheaper in the long run.
By the way, do you know how to figure out when you are "in love"?
When she pats you on the bum and says, "You are in....love."
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First published June 2006 in stickmanbangkok.com website
This Article has been viewed 5,063 times. (Not updated in real-time.)
Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)Interesting because I'm currently obsessed for want of a better word. with a Thai girl (38yo) who works in a brothel in Australia. Actually may be moving in with her.
You know Marc,you have read my experience to the last dime.I am just back from a trip to Bangkok and Phuket.I met this girl in the bar in phuket and ended up spending 2 nights with her.I think I am in love with her.However , when I tell her that,he warns me saying she is just a bar girl and not the one to fall in love with.Now I think this is a little different from the examples of girls quoted by you.I also told her I will send her some money every month.For that she has taken sometime to answer.So what do u think about this?
Hi, I was in Pattaya 2 weeks ago and met an awesome bar girl, and yes i fell in love as we do, we have been talking on the phone, ( she calls ) and she has set up an internet email and we chat on video online, which she has never done before, im confused as i have been trying to see if she would accept money from me but she wont, she says that if i send her money she will not talk to me anymore, is this a game they play, as she wants me to save and come back and see her again really soon, i spent nearly a week with her and we got along like a house of fire, she spends her money on gifts for me and seems genuine, so would love your help on this as it dose not seem like the typical Thai bar girl , im confused , what do i do, i like her very much and just want to know if its real, thanks Dave AustraliaIt can happen. I found a girl very similar to that - 6 years ago. After I returned to the US I offered her a bit of money. She didn't want it. Then accepted. I then went back to Thailand after a few months and she showed me all the money I had sent to her, in a little lock box. She quit working in the bar that week and we moved in together and have been together ever since. Her daughter lives with us and we sent her to an English language school. We vacation all over asia and europe. We agreed upon a modest weekly allowance (Same as I did with my American Ex wife) and money has never been an issue. She works running a beauty salon I helped her set up. I don't send money to her family except at holidays - and the amounts are modest but appreciated.
Ther are some good ones out there. But this is rare. Because before this I must have 'dated' several dozen Thai bar girls and fallen in love a score of times - but I always knew it was fake. Until this one.
I agree about them becoming hardened after more than a few months in a bar.
Thank you Marc....this article came along when I needed it most!!!!
Awesome!!!
This made me smile, @#$%&*ing brilliant and thanks for this article.. Just back from Pattaya, had six fantastic days and nights with a girl, who did tell me she loved me... Little confused, do i love her as well, i almost did... This article put everything in the right perspective again. Thanks, i feel better now....
I’m falling in love with a Thai girl, I’m met her in a night club in Phuket, she is absolutely stunning, she was telling me stories of her ex and how he broke her heart, now I think I just promised to marry her some day and she told me she couldnt take another brake up, I don’t what to do cos I actually like her and she said she didn’t care about money she just wants to be with someone that makes her happy. She speak Thai, English, french and leio, and said she wants to go back to school. Is it going to end bad if I persue this relationship.
Il also add she didn’t have much makeup on, she did have a fish tatto on her shoulder and a dragon on the Leg And a belly button piercing
Im not that bad a looking guy, I work out, I’m 26 she’s 25, She tells me she has other guys ask her to come home with them every Night she goes out but doesn’t because she doesnt like them she broke up with her ex and just wants to be happy with some one and that’s me
So is this one of the new age Thai girls that is really looking for love or
Am I going to be another stupid white guy.
Im going to be completely honest with you. Im a young guy (23), do well with the girls in australia and have just returned from holiday in thailand for 3 weeks. The first night i arrived in bangkok my mates and i went out to the district and had a ball, me and my friend Both payed the bar fines and each took a girl home. The next night we went to the same bar and the same girl i had the night previous was there again and didnt bother coming up to me, which i respected, probably cos im younger n want to hunt around a bit more, furthermore, the night went on and she came up to me again and started buying her drinks and she then askd if i wanted to take her home again, i replied yes but im not paying you this time... Did pay the bar fine though which wasnt much at all. This continued for 3 weeks on/off as i visited phuket and cambodia- id take her home and did not pay... I started getting a bit confused cos she was losing money by me taking her home and not paying her when she could easy get another farang that would giv her money. Then yes i felt i was falling for her, caught up with her during the day to eat and go shopping, but she would buy me clothes that she wanted to see me in... (as all the aussies wear boardies and a singlet). Final chapter she asks to see me off at airport and tells me i am in her heart and she was balling her eyes out all that day because she knew i was leaving, she asks if im coming back to see her and i said yes. Now im in australia i realise i do have love for her and we have been messaging each other. Theres something still in the back of my head telling me that im an idiot and im blind for falling in love with a thai bar girl. Im glad i found this post for more perspective but still feel a bit lost as to what i should do.
The same thing happened to me. I am actually still in Bangkok. I am so confused, the first few days I had to pay the bar fine and now I see her without paying. It's not really true because today I paid 6000 baths for her rent. I know she is tricking me, she is not honest in some ways but there is something that I would like to try. I would like to understand how I could take her out of this lifestyle. I really like here, not just because she is beautiful but because she has kind of a bad temper. I had sex with her the first time and I told her that if she doesn't want, she doesn't have to do it. It was my first time in this kind of bar and I just wanted to see how it is and not pick a girl but she caught me quite fast.
I understand her behavior but is it possible to work around that and make her think that another like is waiting for her. Something better long term. Let me know what you think.
dear men, u just think with dick. y did u even go to bar in the beginning??? -.- i am a woman..my thought towards these bar girls/ hookers is that they are lazy and don't want to take pressure in making a living..they r dependent..u will only end up having a daughter instead of girlfriend. there are so many type of jobs to choose!!! but they use shortcut..they don't care if they gonna break someone else's family or stealing boyfriend because they only think abt themselves, their own feeling, their self-esteem and their survivals...doh! ;p.. i don't hate them i just hate how they think ;p
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